fledging

"A hospitalized late-adolescent woman who was in severe psychological distress had a father who was clearly very domineering and controlling. In line with stan— dard practice, the hospital staff kept telling the father he had to “let his daughter separate from the family.” The more the father heard this, the more controlling he became and the more def‌iant was his daughter. Finally, Niki, who has a relational approach, advised the staff to say to the father, “Your daughter needs you now more than ever. She needs you to help her f‌ind the ways to grow into a young woman.” On hearing this, the father’s anxiety diminished: he did not have to leave his daughter. He could be helped to refocus on trying to f‌ind the ways to help her to bring forward her perceptions and thoughts as they were in the present, not as they were in his image of her as a child.

While this relationship did not have to be more distant, it did have to be different than it had been. It had to be more mutual, with room for more of the daughter’s expression of herself as she was now and as she was struggling to become. The father could show his loving and supportive side but he did have to change; in turn, the daughter could drop some of her more recalcitrant behavior and begin to grow again."

~The Healing Connection
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780807029213
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0807029213